I’ve recently discovered that there really is no type of book
I’d rather read than a well-written memoir. There is something truly special
about the glimpse one gets into another’s life that moves and inspires a soul, my soul. Alexandra Kuykendall’s new release, The Artist’s Daughter is no exception.
Kuykendall has presented us with a stirring book that delves
into the heart of what true belonging, acceptance, and healing mean to the soul
of a woman. While in many ways my story doesn’t share the same details, many
of the heart issues she wrote about could have been penned from my very own
hand.Raised by a working single
mother, the daughter of an absent father, and a girl with a drive to be
perfect, Alexandra and I could likely share coffee and tears reminiscing about
our similar triumphs and trials.
Serving as the MOPS International theme book for 2013, The Artist’s Daughter is spot on when speaking to many of the key heartaches,
joys, and challenges for a mother like me. However, the overarching theme of
God’s beautiful plan and workings in humanity and in Alexandra’s life bring a
sense of true healing and grace to a tender heart. Seeing His gentle care for
her has only reminded me of His gentle care for me. What an encouraging book it
is when, after reading the final chapter, you can sigh and whisper, “Thank you God
for being so good.”
You can purchase The Artist’s Daughter at MOPS, Amazon or
request it at your local bookseller. If you’d like to win my copy, enter here:
It's the sweet cinnamon and sugar, flaky dough in your nails, tart apples peeled. It's just another attempt at Gran's apple pie.
Breakfast burritos, fragrant, warm, and wrapped in tin foil. Me, hoping I didn't get the one with extra habanero's expertly hidden by my trickster uncle.
The cabbage is scattered across the cutting board, sesame oil and ginger sizzling. It's my father in laws expertise at Asian cooking.
This week I know it will be there, dry bread, sweet juice, those little plastic cups. I enter in to my Lord's suffering.
Food and memories almost inexplicably connected, but the truth is each fragrance, taste, and empty plated aftermath reminds us of something.
Shauna Niequists newest release,Bread & Wine is a beautiful memoir full of poignant essays that focus on life, God, and the beauty of sharing ourselves with one another through meals of love.
In a world that says thin = perfection, we have forgotten that it is okay to savor a good meal, to relish in the hard work of an excellent cook, to walk away satisfied or to even admit that we are hungry.
"Sara loved to eat and believed it was her right and pleasure. She didn't overeat or under eat, cry or hide food. She just ate, for sustenance and enjoyment both, and I was fascinated. Still, it took almost a decade more for me to say those words... "I'm hungry" - without feeling ashamed." - Bread & Wine
Shauna has given us permission to feast, permission to fast, permission to give and permission to receive.
The book is filled with delicious recipes - some easy peasy like her Basic Risotto and some more challenging, including Steak au Poivre with Cognac Pan Sauce.
But, with each recipe she challenges us to give - mercy, grace, food to those we know need it
and challenges us to receive the help, self compassion, and friendship that others offer to us.
"What people are craving isn't perfection. People aren't longing to be impressed; they're longing to feel like they're home. If you create a space full of love and character and creativity and soul, they'll take off their shoes and curl up with gratitude and rest, no matter how small, no matter how undone, no matter how odd." - Bread & Wine
If you know me at all you know I am a fan of Shauna's. While occasionally it was difficult to enter in to her life (we do live very different lives) there are still an abundance of ways I saw myself and those I love in the pages of Bread & Wine. I have already started a short list of people that I know would LOVE this book because of a mutual love for food, friends and family. Shauna is an excellent story teller and this book is easy to devour.
You can pre-order at Amazon and I suggest you do (it's 9 bucks off!). Her books Cold Tangerines and Bittersweet are also available (and one of them is sitting in my Easter Basket right now).
*I received a pre-release copy of Bread & Wine in exchange for my honest review.
My second mom, my beloved Gran had cancer. The really bad kind.
The tears came, but there was hope.
Surgery after surgery, treatment after treatment, heartbreak after heartbreak.
And now we are here.
The final weeks. The final days.
I'd like to be one of those people that say, "Oh, I know God is in control" or maybe "But, God has a plan and it'll all be okay" I do say those things sometimes, but more often I think, "This sucks."
Because, it does.
Generally speaking, I am pretty optimistic, pretty joyful, and pretty resilient.
However, grief is hard.
It's hard when every day you aren't sure what the next phone call will bring. It's hard to imagine life without her, but at the same time you long to see her free from the pain of this life. My mind is racing all the time. Sleep evades me many nights, but in the middle of the day, I wish I could sleep the day away instead of doing anything else. It's hard when every time I get an update it peels the scab off the old wound of losing my dad, to cancer, 15 years ago. I thought that wound had healed. Its hard to not be there to help, but if I were sincere I would say that it is also a relief to not have to bear that burden. I'm broken. For the first time in my life I googled "natural treatment for depression". It would be foolish of me not to recognize that possibility in my life right now. It would be foolish to think that a year long roller coaster ride of hope and disappointment wouldn't give me some sort of mild depression. Grief is hard, especially when you are grieving a person who is still here.
I don't have the answers. I don't need any pity.
For now I look for grace.
Sufficient grace for each moment from the One who I know is near even in this valley.
Grace with myself when I'm exhausted, but accomplished nothing.
Grace to say "no", because right now, I'm not quite myself and grace to accept that.
And grace from my sweet friends who hold me in prayer, ask me how I am, and accept that most of the time I don't want to talk about it. I just want to make it through.
I'm not mad, or bitter, or angry. I'm just sad.
I'm not hopeless or despondent. I am just weary.
When you see me smiling and laughing, I'm not being fake. It is just a moment where the goodness of life has distracted me from that rain cloud over my head that keeps following me. So let me relish in it.
In my mind I continue to repeat the words of Solomon (and the Mama's and the Papa's)
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
I am totally ready for the next season. I'm ready for spring. I'm ready for sunshine. I'm ready to rejoice. I'm ready for unabashed joy. I'm ready to stop fighting the fear and anxiety that are banging on my door - bringing up the "what if's". So, for now I will fight to hope, because I know the Light that shines even in the darkness. I will cling to the simplest of truths: Jesus loves me. Heaven is legit. This isn't my home. And, I will soldier on, in love. Thanks to all of you who tenderly soldier on beside me.
(This song is another Shauna Niequist recommendation) P.S. For those of you who may have stumbled upon here that are dealing with your own grief. Please, check out Levi Lusko's blog as he soldiers on through a heartbreak that I hope I will never have to face.
I've been fortunate to be reading through Bread & Wine before it releases on April 9th! This beautiful song could be it's theme video. I can't wait to share my thoughts on Shauna Niequist's new book, but you'll just have to wait.
For now, watch this, and be encouraged that we are in this together, sweet friends.
Maybe at first I was a little preoccupied by the calories, the state of the art soda dispensers, and the boy sitting next to me nagging "Mom, do you know how a peanut gets inside a shell?" over and over and over until I say "WHAT!?" (even though he has already told me the same nonsensical punchline three times already).
But, when things get real, it doesn't take long to focus in. We talked plans for how to deal with the sudden impending death of a beloved grandma and the inevitable death of another who is dying slowly from cancer. We talked the heartache of those we know who are struggling, divorcing, trying to make it as single parents. We talked about fear and love and kids growing up. We talked wisdom from the Sages around us that share from their sadness and triumph when given a voice.
The tears fall quietly, from both our eyes. Neither one of us wants to make a scene in the middle of a seudo fast food joint, but both of us are heartbroken. Thankfully we have entered in to share in the sorrow of one another.
It is times like this, in the mundaneness of life, in the hard places, in the fallenness of seemingly everything, that I see what God meant when he said that two would become one. It is here where I find comfort that two are indeed better than one. It is here where I experience, not just seeing unity, but feeling unity in the deepest part of my soul with another. This is where the proverbial rubber meets the road and it is here, in the midst of deep grief and heartache, that I find joy and comfort, in the fact that God has given me a gift greater than I could ever have imagined. He has given me a friend, my best friend, and the one who reminds me that love always prevails.
I just wanted to ask a little favor. If you are on Facebook. Can you please click over and vote for an adorable friend of ours? His name is fireman Tov.
I am realizing daily who I am and how to live with myself. I have an amazing husband, Norse, who is more wonderful than I could ever have hoped for. We have an incredible son, Boden, who changed how we view life and love for the better and now a sweet girl named, Isley has made our family complete. We serve a living God who gave us new hearts and continues to give us grace for each moment.
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